Happy new year! 

Goodness, I need to get better at this. I’m always busy or sleeping. I never have extra time to sit and blog. So here I am, drunk and bored. 

I just wanted to tell you guys a few things I have learned in 2015. 

I’m not perfect. I don’t get straight a’s but I get very good grades for being a full time employee that still picks up shifts when I can. I’m not the perfect significant other. I’m toooooo emotional, I’m dramatic, and I’m terrible at keeping things clean. I thought of this tonight while I was the bar tonight looking for my friends and significant other. My friends were out dancing with other boys or their girlfriends and my significant other was talking to another woman who is madly in love with him. I’m going to admit that I overreacted when I saw him talking to her. I wanted to punch her. But then I realized it was him who was talking to her. He wanted to ‘catch up’ with her. I asked for my car keys and left. I wanted to go home and leave his sorry ass there. But I didn’t. Now he’s angry with me for being upset. But you know what, I’m not going to let that bother me. I’m going to get through it alone. My room is always a mess, I cleaned my living room, dining room, and kitchen last night and now it’s a mess again. I seriously don’t have time to clean everyday. My roommates should help. I shouldn’t take this all on myself. I should have help and not be stressed out all of the time. I shouldn’t cry myself to sleep most nights. I’m in need of serious help. I should learn how to control myself better. Not only for me, but for the sake of my relationship. If I could make that work my life would be a tad bit easier. 

Family will always be there to help. I was almost evicted from my apartment. My family and I came together to get the money that I needed. If it weren’t for them I would be living in my car and I would have to give up my three kitties.  I would be lost without my babies. They are always the ones cuddling next to me when I’m feeling down. Actually one is right next to me loving me. She’s the softest cat. I just love her. 

You always find out who your real friends are when you don’t have any forms of communication. My best friend and I went three months without seeing or talking to each other. Then one day she told me I was going to be a godmother!! She’s having a little boy. May 8th can’t come sooner. My best friend that moved to Vegas hung out with me for a week straight when she came home. Most relaxing week ever. Those are really my only two friends that have ever really been there for me. Regardless how much we talk. 

Sometimes you just have to let go. I let go of a lot of feelings I’ve been having. But I can’t shake some of them no matter what. I still feel sad, lost, and confused most of the time. But what else can I do? I’ve tried everything. But I’m just going to go to the doctors after I get my health insurance.

Lastly, it’s okay to love yourself when no one else will. I’m still learning this one. It’s like a masters level course, I swear. Sometimes I feel like I’ve got it, and others I feel like I’m losing the war. If I can’t love myself who can I love? I love my significant other, but I’m not sure he feels it. He acts like I don’t love him the only way I know how. But that’s for a different day.

Thank you for listening to my crazy life, guys. It’s so nice. (Even if no one reads this.)